Why Stressed Men Won't Talk

A woman talks outside her head, that is, you can hear her, whereas a man talks inside his head. He doesn't have strong brain areas for speech so this suits his mindset. When he has a problem he talks to himself while she talks to other people.

This is why, when under pressure of problems or stress, a man will clam up and stop talking. He uses his right brain to try to solve his problems or find solutions and he stops using his left brain to listen or speak. His brain can only do 'one thing at a time'. He can't solve problems and listen or talk simultaneously. This silence is often distressing and frightening for a woman. A woman says to her husband, son and brother, 'Come on, you've got to talk about it! You'' feel better!' She says this because this is what works for her.But he just want to be left alone to firegaze until he comes up with the solutions and answers. He doesn't want to talk about it, especially a therapist, because he sees that as a major sign of weakness.

The famous Rodin sculpture "The Thinker" symbolises a man thinking about his problems. He wants to sit on his rock and think about solutions and needs to be alone to do it. The key word here is alone- no-one is ever allowed to go up on the rock with him, not even his bestfriends. In fact, his male friends would not even contemplate going up there. A women feels the urge to climb up there with him to give comfort and she gets a rude shock when she pusses her off!

"Men climb on to their rock to solve problems. Women who followed them get kicked off."

If Rodin created a sculpture to personify a woman, it would probably be called 'The Talker'. Women need to understand that when a man is on his rock they need to leave him there and let them think. Many women feel that his silence means he doesn't love her or that he's angry with her. This is because if a woman wasn't talking, she'd be angry or upset. But if she leaves him on his rock with a cup of tea and a biscuit and doesn't press him to talk, he'll be fine. When he finally talks his pproblem, he'll come down off his rock and feel happy and begin to talk again.

Why Stressed Women Talk

Under stress or pressure, a man's main brain functions of spatial ability and logic are activated. A woman's speech function is activated and she starts talking, often non- stop. If she's stressed, she talks, talks and talks to anyone who will listen. She can talk about her problems to her friendsfor hours, giving a thorough report of details and then they all give the problem another post- mortem. She talks about present problems, past problems, possible problems and problems that have no solutions. When she talks, no solutions are sought as she receives comfort and relief from the process of talking. Her talk is unstructured and several subjects can be discussed at any one time with no conclusions being reached.

"For a woman, sharing problems with her friends is a sign of trust and friendship."

For a man, listening to her talk about problems is hard work bevause he feels he is expected to solve each problem she brings up as she talks aloud. He doesn't want to talk about it, he warns to do something about it! He is likely to interrupt with, "What's the point here?" The point is that there doesn't need to be a point. The most valuable lesson a man can learn is to listen using listening sounds and gestures, and not to offer solutions. To a man, however, this is an alien concept because he only talks when he has a solution to offer.

"When you're dealing with an upset woman, don't offer solutions or invalidate her feelings- just show her you're listening."

When a woman refuses to accept his solutions, his next strategy is to try to minimize the problems by telling her, 'It doesn't really matter', 'You're overreacting', 'Forget about it', and 'It's not a big deal'. This infuriates a woman who begins to feel he doesn't care about her because he won't listen.